Tips for Setting Boundaries 

Author Carla Gehle, MS,LCPC

When working on your mental health and wellbeing it is really important to pay attention to your needs and wants. When communicating your needs and wants to others it is important that you understand your boundaries. Why are boundaries so important? Boundaries help improve self esteem, self worth,  self respect, anxiety and depression.

BE PREPARED: Understand your limits. Do some self exploring and really take the time to understand what makes you uncomfortable and what you need from your relationships to be happy. Use this time to really reflect on situations that have made you unhappy. Really examine those situations and pay attention to what you would need to change. Explore your values and remind yourself why you are worthy of boundaries.  It is best to have specific boundaries.  Every persons values and limits are different and it is okay that you have your own limits. 

BE ASSERTIVE: Take ownership of your boundaries. Remind yourself it is okay to say no to others. Communicate in a clear manner. Pay attention to your communication style. Do not be passive or aggressive. Be direct and specific. Assertiveness includes clarity and explanation

RESPECT: make sure that you are respecting your self and others when communicating your boundaries. Make sure that you are clear on your needs but this does not mean that you have to disregard the needs or boundaries of others. Go into the conversation with the intention to communicate your needs and be willing to compromise. Pay attention to the word choices to make sure you are not degrading yourself or others. 

BE ENCOURAGING: It can be scary to set boundaries. It is important that you talk kindly to yourself and understand that you are worthy of your boundaries. Setting boundaries is an important step in self growth and it is important to be positive and optimistic during this process. Understand that the person may not react the way you want them to but that is not the reason you are communicating your boundaries. You are communicating your boundaries for self empowerment and growth. Communicating your boundaries is not about the outcome it is about the ability to communicate your needs. 

FOCUS ON COMPROMISE: At times you’ll have to give a little bit more but thats okay as long it is sometimes and not always. Remember that healthy relationships are about meeting in the middle. Setting boundaries is about understanding your feelings and needs but not ignoring other peoples needs and want. Understand communicating your boundaries is a journey and it may take time to get to an understanding.